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1/4/20: The site is being DDoS attacked again. The Onion URL seems to stay up even during downtime. Brave has Tor built in, so consider bookmarking it.
1/4/20: Steve Horner left us a nice voicemail.
1/4/20: Melinda Leigh Scott has stepped up from suing us and losing constantly to sending emails to 1776hosting.
1/4/20: P.S. If you're very familiar with LEMP, framework based PHP development, and want to work with me on some XenForo extensions, email me at It's very ronery doing everything myself. :-(
1/5/20: Noticed a post with a gold border? Is that Reddit gold? No, it's a test.
1/6/20: Noticed a post with a gold green border and badge? Is that Reddit gold? No, it's a test. (Update 1)
1/7/20: Noticed a post with a [s]gold[/s] green border and badge? Is that Reddit gold? No, it's a test. (Update 1) (Update 2)
1/7/20: For no reason what so ever I have made it so avatars of a 2:3 ratio will render correctly in posts. Taller avatars will be cropped.
1/10/20: Jonathan "Jessica" Yaniv has filed more complaints in the human rights tribunal.
1/10/20: Steve Horner sent me more voicemails.
1/11/20: Information on the Highlight feature: Initial Post, Update 1, Update 2
1/11/20: Are you from the Opie & Anthony community? Someone is trying to petition for a new board. Register and post support here.
1/12/20: DSP has a whale account worth over $10,000 in microtransactions, which has increased during the foreclosure saga.
1/13/20: Information on the Highlight feature: Initial Post, Update 1, Update 2, Update 3
1/13/20: The Next Highlight button you should be seeing is the realization of my recent work with post highlighting. Feedback requested.
Highlighted posts now have a button directly on them to move to the next highlight, even if they're on the same page.
1/13/20: p.s. forums are a text-based medium and if your post requires a faggy reaction image to make your point, consider not posting at all.
1/15/20: Boogie2988 bit his dog.
1/17/20: ATTENTION: The National Security Administration has made a press release regarding a Windows 10 remote execution exploit that any website can take advantage of. It is one of the worst exploits that has ever been found. Update Windows immediately.
NSA Press Release, "Am I vulnerable?"
1/18/20: Yaniv has been arrested for assaulting the Rebel Media autist.
1/20/20: Onision is in trouble again because apparently his two-year-old daughter fell out a window and hit her head.
1/22/20: GNOME, a garbage Linux Desktop environment, has published its new Code of Conduct explicitly stating they don't care about racism against white people.
1/24/20: P.S. the UK has formalized its leave and will exit the EU on January 31st. There is also a Chinese virus giving people pneumonia worldwide and it's selling ad space in the 24 hour news cycle. You're now all caught up on world events.
1/25/20: Little known lolcow Christopher Cantwell arrested for threatening rape online, billed in media as the 'Crying Nazi'.
1/25/20: Boogie "got hacked" on Twitter and is already blaming a "hate subreddit" called Sam & Tolki.
1/26/20: Boogie released a video crying about S&T on YouTube, an idea he says he got from a fucking FBI agent and PR consultant.
1/26/20: Boogie tweeted out 'proof' of his account being hacked, which can be dismantled easily.
1/26/20: Mobcrush was forced to come out and call Boogie a liar.
1/26/20: Fausty, the co-founder of Cryptostorm and an open Zoophilia advocate, has died.
1/26/20: How to Survive the Wu Flu:
1. Acquire a P100 gas mask (P3 is synonymous outside of US). N95 did not stop SARS or MERS!
2. Eye protection, either joined with your mask or independent.
3. Disposable hand barriers (any medical grade material).
4. Disinfectant spray to sanitize your mask and keep your shit clean while fleeing to the countryside.
Be safe and have a great apocalypse!!
Bonus: Apocalypse, colorized 1/26/20 (lol "Describe the avatar of the person above you" thread)
1/27/20: Jason Either, a YouTuber popular with children for pumping out clickbait videos, has gotten in trouble after faking his girlfriend's death for clicks and now may be facing charges for assault.
1/28/20: Brianna Wu had their second porsche towed after catastrophic engine damage, then deleted their tweet about it.
1/28/20: Narcissa, the forum's favorite tranny and a personal hero of CrunkLord420, is fighting to reclaim their historic world record speedrun in Ocarina of Time.
1/29/20: Search feature needs to rebuild its index. Results will be incomplete until it's done.
1/29/20: I have declared holy war (fatwa) on the site-loading-like-shit issue, and God willing (inshallah) I will resolve it. If pages look different, that's me trying to optimize the site.
1/31/20: Search should be functioning again. Update on the war on slow.
1/31/20: Peter Coffin has been accused of grooming his wife.
2/1/20: DarkSydePhil's bankruptcy documents are out. He is in trouble and his claims are legally problematic.
2/1/20: Water Drinking Fish is our 40,000th user. Go shitpost on his profile. (Not really, technically, but whatever.)
Bonus: Terminal decline of the European Untion begins 2/1/20
2/2/20: Someone FOIA'd 911 calls and bodycam footage for Boogie2988's wellness checks, conclusively proving he has never been SWAT'd.
2/3/20: War on Slow, Update 2: We're going to need a bigger server.
2/5/20: We're going to be doing a merchandise run in the near future, probably featuring a lot of stickers and a re-run of the True & Honest shirt design. Keep your eyes out.
2/5/20: Our boy Narci back at it again with the OoC any% WR das rite baby back on top :poggers:
2/5/20: Do you build servers? Build one with me in our fabulous Tech board.
2/7/20: Chibi (Adam White), another speedrunner who is less good than based Narcissa, had their nudes leaked.
2/7/20: Do you build servers? Build one with me in our fabulous Tech board. (Build 1)
2/8/20: Order for the new server will be going in ASAP. Performance will be rocky until around Monday.
2/11/20: Jordan Peterson's daughter breaks family's silence on detox for the first time in months.
2/11/20: Boogie paid a literal camwhore to step on burgers with him and revealed he has seriously diseased looking legs, probably gout or beetus.
2/13/20: Two complaints threatening legal action from the twin nations of Germany and Turkey have been sent to me recently.
2/14/20: Two complaints threatening legal action from the twin nations of Germany and Turkey (Update 1) (Update 2) have been sent to me recently.
2/14/20: Finally, some good fuckin' food. Nicocado Avocado threatens lawsuit.
2/14/20: Fedsmoker, oldschool lolcow you should all go watch some old videos of, has died. RIP my homie.
2/17/20: Those legal threats were forgeries.
2/20/20: A schizophrenic neo-Nazi shot up two Shisha bars in Germany, and I need help translating a PDF.
2/21/20: Some psycho fuck is blatantly lying about content in her thread.
2/24/20: FatheringAutism, a vlogger whose entire career is broadcasting his extremely autistic teenage daughter's every waking moment, is in some trouble after a disowned daughter he's not been paying support for was found.
2/24/20: After weeks of struggling to find a venue, a prank caller uncovers it was Maddox himself complaining to venues about Dick's Maddox Funeral.
2/26/20: Some psycho fuck is blatantly lying about content in her thread,and another.
2/27/20: Fredrick Brennan has a arrest warrant out for him in the Philippines for criminal defamation of Jim Watkins (pinoy law). He is in California at the moment.
3/1/20: I've re-organized the Beauty Parlor into a category. Thread about it.
3/1/20: Okay, I'm certain this email is real. (Update)
3/4/20: SimplySara tries sending me a 10,000 calorie DMCA.
3/5/20: DarkSydePhil supposedly did not show up for court and has had his hearing rescheduled.
3/6/20: Germans are up to no good again.
3/7/20: Alinity, noted cat thrower, was viciously bitten by her cat in return for being a stupid thot.
3/7/20: In light of the recent spat of high-effort fake legal threats (now accompanied by paid-for domain names, fleshed out websites, drafted+printed+scanned legal complaints which all must be taking someone hours a day to do), I will no longer be posting legal notifications on the site unless I can completely and totally verify the complainant.
3/7/20: I am still interested in doing a merchandise run, and I am still waiting on my server. I will get the server in first before trying to run the merch. I have no idea why these providers are being so slow to respond but if they don't hurry up I'll source new ones.
3/8/20: A note on the continued usefulness of Brave.
3/9/20: Levi "SnakeThing" Simmons, Zoosadist, pleads guilty on 10 counts of encouraging child sex abuse.
3/9/20: Site is red because the DOW is down 7% in a single day.
Bonus: Site is indeed red 3/9/20
3/10/20: Meet ShannyForChrist. She's fucking FAT.
3/11/20: By popular demand, I have created a board for Happenings that will be indexed and public-facing. Read the OP to see what goes where.
3/12/20: Trump is banning air travel between the EU and the US.
3/14/20: If you were wondering about iDubbbz's girlfriend posting nudes on onlyfans, we have a thread here.
3/15/20: If you are a U.S. citizen, please consider contacting senators about the EARN IT Act, which aims to reform the C.D.A. § 230 from a intrisict protection for all online services, to a 19-boomer panel committee to decide what websites get to safely conduct online discussion.
3/15/20: Levi "SnakeThing" Simmons, Zoosadist, pleads guilty on 10 counts of encouraging child sex abuse. (300 Months)
3/17/20: Yaniv pleads guilty to illegal possession of a taser.
3/18/20: A server has been ordered. I will be sourcing a COVID-19 themed design for a merch run soon, but please let me know if you want a sticker or a shirt.
3/21/20: Finalizing merch designs / server is being assembled.
3/21/20: Momokun has passed the point of no return by posting butthole pictures.
3/26/20: Images may fail sporadically. I have taken measures to keep the site working under high load at the expense of static content. The new server is ETA 7~10 days.
3/26/20: Merch run will likely start before Monday. Remember, Trumpbucks are coming in so you have no excuse not stimulating the economy. I mean, you do pay taxes, r-right?
New server is being assembled by top autists I can actually talk to this time. It will hopefully be shipped by Tuesday.
I have taken drastic measures to throttle static content across the site. Images may fail to load. Avatars are hard disabled to reduce requests to media storage. I will be able to return the site to normal once the new device is here. We're going from a 2 x 4TIB HDD RAID1 to a 8 x 8 TiB SSD RAID10; read performance will be so much better it's not possible to detail.
3/27/20: Designs are done! Coordinating with provider now.
3/27/20: Merch will start next week and run for 2 weeks. The server is being assembled and will be mailed next week.
3/27/20: Avatars are disabled as a part of my effort to keep this shitbox going for another week.
3/27/20: DarkSydePhil gets his debt purchased by a troll.
3/27/20: Peter Coffin has separated from his Scottish groomée.
3/27/20: Atomwaffen's John Denton (a/k/a "Rape", "Death", and "Tormentor") is in jail on swatting charges.
3/31/20: Talking about prices before launch. I can still add things before going, but the more options the less the margin is. The goal is to raise enough to at least pay off the server all at once.
(I just now closed out the old orders from our last merch run. If you got an email about it, sorry for the disturbance.)
3/31/20: Onision has agreed to interview with Ethan Ralph and Dick Masterson tonight at 9pm EST. Throw them a line once things get going.
4/1/20: Onision defeats Chris Hansen through sheer wit alone.
Bonus: Onision Fan Forum 4/1/20
4/2/20: BUY A SHIRT (~40% towards goal)
4/2/20: Merchandise now available. Pls buy a shirt, you guys are expensive as fuck. Did you want other colors? Register interest.
4/3/20: BUY A SHIRT (~60% towards goal)
4/3/20: Merchandise now available. Pls buy a shirt, you guys are expensive as fuck. Merch printer suggests only running a single color.
4/3/20: If you had a problem checking out within the last 2 hours, that issue is now fixed. Sorry!
4/4/20: BUY A SHIRT (~78% towards goal)
4/4/20: SERVER INCOMING. When an arrival date is set, I will schedule downtime.
4/5/20: BUY A SHIRT (~86% towards goal)
4/6/20: BUY A SHIRT (~95% towards goal)
4/6/20: SERVER INCOMING. Expected delivery: 4/10/2020
4/6/20: The Russian Federal Government is threatening to block Kiwi Farms over a picture of Hitler in a Santa outfit. If you're a slav, bookmark our .ONION Url
4/7/20: The merchant has dropped our merchandise site. If you placed an order on the business day of April 6th, read this.
If you ordered a t-shirt or sticker before the 6th and have not received a cancellation email, your order is fine and will be sent when it's ready, but please be patient as getting things printed during the quarantines is going to take a while.
4/8/20: Downtime is expected to be early on April 11th at midnight.
4/9/20: There will be another opportunity to buy a shirt before I begin fulfillment. Stay tuned, and don't wait this time.
4/9/20: Some fucking [s]kraut[/s] AUSTRALIAN got a tattoo of Sonichu.
4/11/20: Pages now generate in 80ms instead of 800ms with no waiting on the disk. If there's any issues, please report it. I don't think there's any more tuning I need to do but we'll see as the site gets real use. There may be some downtime today and tomorrow as I change things but there will be no long term downtime again.
4/11/20: Avatars are enabled as a part of enjoying a brand new fucking server fuck ye.
4/11/20: Trans LifeLine released tax documents indicating Kjel was spending upwards of $300,000 on himself.
4/12/20: Pages now generate in 80ms instead of 800ms with no waiting on the disk. If there's any issues, please report it. The .onion is back up. [s]There may be additional hiccups, but I am done with everything I currently intend on doing. I lied, there's some hacks I made to the design of the site I'm undoing now.[/s]
4/14/20: Social experiment: share your favorite lolcow happenings from recent history or distant history.
4/15/20: The merch run is back up! (~94% to goal)
4/15/20: The merch run is back up! Check out some important details regarding when shirts will be shipped.
4/15/20: This thread about some DID larper is blowing up over an apology video. I don't really understand it but apparently ten thousand other people do.
4/15/20: Someone is mad at Zed again (MAZA).
4/15/20: Idubbbz's girlfriend hit Google with a DMCA affecting the KF, 4chan, and a dozen other sites.
4/16/20: The merch run is back up! (Goal Met)
4/17/20: Idubbbz's girlfriend hit Google with a DMCA affecting the KF, 4chan, and a dozen other sites. On April 16th, she filed another.
4/18/20: The merch run is down again, and will be through the weekend. Told you not to wait.
4/19/20: Idubbbz's girlfriend hit Google with a DMCA affecting the KF, 4chan, and a dozen other sites. On April 16th, she filed another. Konstantinos Tsiropoulos's third fraudulent DMCA for Anisa Jomha.
4/19/20: Someone is mad at Zed again (MAZA). He's getting in on the DMCA action, too.
4/20/20: I've bootstraped 9chan, because I do not suffer enough.
4/20/20: Greek superlawyer Konstantinos Tsiropoulos now filing fraudulent DMCAs against threads about his DMCAs, in the name of his client Anisa Jomha still, despite just trying to cover up his own search results.
4/22/20: The new processor is also not communicating with my representative, so I'm going to just go ahead and start fulfillment processes on the stickers. ETA on orders with shirts will come.
4/23/20: I've bootstrapped [s][/s] [s][/s], because I ENJOY AGONY
4/26/20: An update on 9chan and its moderation tools for those still interested.
4/26/20: Expecting to start fulfillment on Monday. Stay tuned. It will probably take a while so please be patient.
4/26/20: Cat chucker Alinity slips nip and gets banned.
4/28/20: Merch guy has the order list and will be getting sticker-only orders out soon.
4/28/20: MGTOW declares us a femnazi terrorist organization.
4/29/20: Brianna Wu suspends his campaign and pretends it's due to how much he cares about old people.
5/1/20: Sony Online Entertainment sends a DMCA over the tranny killing scenes in Last of Us 2.
5/1/20: [CBS]
5/2/20: Jarbo the Hutt's full album has dropped.
5/2/20: ... and I got the thread watcher working on 9chan today.
5/3/20: Some Russian chick out of LA sends a proper DMCA.
5/3/20: Also, it's Sony Interactive Entertainment. SOE was rebranded as Daybreak Games like a decade ago.
5/4/20: Today is the international Anti-Bullying Day!
5/8/20: [Merch Update May 7th] No good news, but no bad news.
5/8/20: DarkSydePhil gets his credit card debt discharged despite widespread speculation he filed knowingly fraudulent claims. Detractors on suicide watch.
5/8/20: The Simpspiracy Files: An IBS revival featuring New Project 2 as a central point of contention.
5/9/20: [CBS]
5/9/20: Ethan Ralph has agreed to accept $8000 to fight PPP in Knoxville.
5/9/20: Godwinson has already backed out of his offer.
5/10/20: PPP says it's on again
5/12/20: [5/11/2020 Update] Stickers have been paid for. US based company is just opening up and will have them printed for 14 days. Shipping will begin once they arrive to fulfillment. No ETA on shirts yet, since almost all shirts are printed in China.
5/12/20: The fight that never will be has a containment thread.
5/12/20: Ralph is talking backing out.
5/13/20: MERCH IS MOVING SOONER RATHER THAN LATER. They sorted out a lot of issues faster than we thought was going to happen, so if your address has changed now is the time to email with your order number and new address.
5/14/20: Onision has resorted to posting pictures of his penis for attention.
5/14/20: FireFox users should update their browsers immediately.
5/17/20: A clip from Nick J. Fuentes is retweeted by the President and deleted by Twitter.
5/17/20: FerociouslySteph, a non-binary trans deer megautist, has been hired as a member of the "Trust and Safety team" for Twitch and gamers are very happy.
5/19/20: Some guy named Preston Poulter, relevant to ComicsGate, is allegedly a literal shit-eating cuckold.
5/20/20: Israeli superstar H3H3 Productions is blaming Keemstar for Etika's death, while denying doing so.
5/20/20: Yaniv has resorted to posting pictures of his penis for attention.
5/20/20: "SecretGamerGirl" accidentally admitted he's Jake Alley, finally.
5/23/20: I'll be giving another update on the merch run today.
5/23/20: Hope Chapman (TGWTG) boyfriend joins the 50% for Hope. (Correction: Hope is the FtM, the boyfriend was a man).
5/23/20: Maddox tried to sabotage Keemstar by associating him with Richard Spencer for appearing on the Killstream.
5/24/20: Merch fulfillment will have an ETA for shirt-only orders by Tuesday. Eggshell is opening back up and will be handling the stickers like originally planned. Sorry for all the delays frens.
5/28/20: (A&H) VICE France writes about lolcows.
5/29/20: June 9th is the expected date of fulfilment. 5 days of shipping.
5/29/20: [CBS]
5/29/20: Retard President threatens to destroy the Internet.
5/29/20: Trump is threatening to repeal Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act to spite Twitter. I would strongly encourage you actually read the law. It, and the recent Executive Order, are short and in simple English. 47 U.S. Code §?230, Executive Order on Preventing Online Censorship. My explanation. Additional information from the EFF.